Shoes of Satin
by NashNurse
Summary: Margaret receives an unexpected gift from her sister, which throws her into a whirlwind of painful memories and startling realizations.
1. Chapter 1

"Mail call!" Radar shouted enthusiastically as he knocked on Major Houlihan's door. He jumped back as she jerked open the door and glared at him. The corporal nervously held out a package and two letters which Margaret ripped from his hands before slamming the door in his face.

As Margaret walked to her desk she carelessly tossed aside the letters and pulled a knife from her drawer to open the package. Once opened, Margaret sifted through layers of white tissue paper until her hands touched a silky fabric. She eagerly lifted out a pair of black, satin toe shoes.

Margaret smiled in remembrance and walked over to her cot, gently stroking the shoes with her thumb.

* * *

_"Margaret!" Emily quickly walked towards her sister. "Maggie will you slow down?" She laughed as Margaret turned towards her, almost in tears._

_"I can't find my shoes!" she cried in despair. Emily shook her head in playful disgust and walked across the room to a large, black, duffle bag. She opened the bag and extracted a pair of toe shoes from the top._

_"These shoes?" she asked teasingly. Margaret laughed at herself as she sat down wearily on her bed._

_"What am I going to do without you?" she asked her sister lovingly. "I'm sure I'll go crazy."_

_Emily laughed and sat beside Margaret, wrapping an arm around her comfortingly. "Everything will be fine; you'll see. It's only for three months. Before you know it you'll be heading home again."_

_Margaret smiled slightly, still not convinced of her sister's words. "Oh god Emily; I still can't believe it." Margaret looked up and began to laugh. "I'm going to Europe!"_

* * *

On an impulse Margaret leaned forward and rolled up her pants before sliding off her heavy boots and replacing them with the light toe shoes. As Margaret wrapped the black ribbon around her ankles she listened carefully for any sound coming outside of her tent. She certainly didn't want anyone to see her.

Margaret stood up and quickly stretched her calves. She walked over to her desk, resting her hand on the edge lightly for balance. Slowly she brought herself up on pointe and bit her lip to keep from making a noise. She came down and sat down at her desk and groaned.

"_Oh god I'm so out of shape." _She muttered quietly. Margaret hurriedly untied the ribbons and slipped her feet out of the shoes. What she suspected was right, small trails of blood seeped around her toenails. Margaret rolled her eyes in annoyance and went to find something to stop the bleeding.


	2. Chapter 2

Margaret hurried to post-op, she had been so caught up in the package she received, and she was now fifteen minutes late. She crashed into post-op and received an aggravated glare from nurse Able as she walked past. Hawkeye sat smirking in the corner.

"You're late Major." He reprimanded, using a stern voice. Margaret rolled her eyes and walked over to him.

"Sorry Captain," she mumbled. They quickly discussed a few of the patients and then Hawkeye left Margaret to dress a wound. She chatted with the boy to put his mind at ease and then stood up. Colonel Potter walked in and crossed the room to talk to Hawkeye. Margaret wished she did not have to go anywhere near them, but there was paperwork she needed to fill out.

"You have a little hitch in your giddy-up Major," Colonel Potter commented. Margaret glanced up and blushed as she realized he had been watching her. Margaret shrugged and said nothing; her heart was racing. She had been dancing in her tent earlier and now she was walking with a rather obvious limp. Because she had not danced in such a long time she was extremely out of shape, she knew she would have to go through a lot of pain before she could build up her muscles and calluses again.

Margaret sat down at the small desk, avoiding the men's gaze. She opened a file and began to fill it out, but her mind soon began to wander.

* * *

_"I'll miss you David." Margaret snuggled into her fiancée's arms and sniffed loudly. _

_"I'll miss you too baby," He replied gently. He pushed her back and smiled teasingly at her. "Especially that sexy little ass of yours." _

_Margaret hit him playfully in the ribs. "Sex-obsessed pervert." She mumbled as she smiled into his bright blue eyes. _

"_Yeah but you love me anyway." _

_Margaret stood up on her tiptoes and slipped her arms around his neck. "You bet I do."_

* * *

"So tell me Major; how old were you when you had your first boyfriend." Margaret's head jerked up and she glared at the chief surgeon.

"I do not wish to discuss my personal life with you Captain." Hawkeye smiled and shrugged.

"I was fifteen; I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. She had red hair and green eyes, and the worst temper in all the history of humanity.

"I'm really not interested Captain." Margaret said coldly. Hawkeye frowned for a moment and then shrugged it off.

"Aw, come on Margaret, tell me, please?" he said, imitating a child's whining voice.

"Will you leave me alone if I do?"

Hawkeye nodded and Margaret sighed. "Fine; I was nineteen." She ended the sentence in such a way that forbade Hawkeye to ask anything else. However, Hawkeye never was one to pay heed to boundaries.

"What was his name?" he prompted. Margaret kept silent, at first Hawkeye thought she was ignoring him so he stood up and began to check on the patients; but then he heard sniffling coming from the corner. He looked up from the chart in concern but thought it would be best if he kept his distance.

When Hawkeye began to ask about her first boyfriend, it was all Margaret could do to keep her composure. So many memories drifted through her mind; some happy but mostly painful.

* * *

_Margaret collapsed onto the small bed in exhaustion. She opened her eyes only for a moment as her roommate joined her._

"_How is it possible that we are still alive?" the girl moaned. Margaret smiled and sat up to remove her shoes._

"_Oh god Jess, can you believe this schedule?" Margaret groaned as she stifled a yawn. Jessica only shook her head as she stripped down to her undergarments and collapsed onto her own small bed. _

_Margaret climbed into bed and swept the curtains aside, looking out over the brightly lit city. "It sure is worth it though isn't it?"_

_Jessica mumbled an answer and groaned as Margaret climbed back out of bed and grabbed a letter from home._

"_Go to sleep," she moaned, throwing a pillow in Margaret's general direction. Margaret picked up the pillow and sat back down on her bed, hugging the pillow to her chest as she re-read the letter for the hundredth time. _

"_He is such an asshole," Margaret told her friend, while smiling. _

"_That's nice. Can I have my pillow back?" _

"_But at the same time he can be so damn sweet! Listen to this…" Margaret paced back and forth in the small room as she read the letter from her fiancée. Finally, Margaret sat back in bed and looked at her sleeping friend. She looked back down at her letter and kissed it gently before folding it carefully and placing it beside her bed. _


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, so this is along the lines of Comradeds in Arms. However my memory isn't too good and I haven't seen the episode in a while so it will be a bit off...sorry. Anyway, I know this chapter is a bit longer than usual but I couldn't find a good place to stop it. R&R!

Major-Baby

* * *

Margaret sat sullenly in the mess tent wishing she had some news of her husband, Donald. Well she had gotten some news, but it wasn't something that she wanted to hear. She had gone to the 8063rd and overheard a nurse talking about a Donald Penobscott she had been with while in Tokyo. Margaret tried her hardest to brush it off as a coincidence but that was impossible to do. Now tomorrow she would be going back to the 8063rd with Captain Pierce to demonstrate some surgical skills. She wasn't sure if she could make it through the day with that nurse.

Margaret stood up and scrapped her untouched food into the garbage can. She glanced over at the table of officers and nervously approached the newest surgeon, Major Winchester.

"Major, may I speak to you for a moment?" she asked. The Major nodded and turned towards her, but making no move to leave the group. Margaret groaned inwardly, she didn't want everyone else to hear her request. Oh well.

"Major, I noticed you have several classical records." Captains Pierce and Hunnicut looked up at this statement and Margaret continued. "Well I was wondering if it would be possible for me to borrow one of them."

Major Winchester looked at her in surprise; she didn't strike him as someone who enjoyed classical music.

"I usually don't make a habit of loaning my personal belongings out. However, if you would like to remain in my tent to listen to them…" He stopped as Margaret angrily stomped out of the tent. Hawkeye sat for a moment at the table, greatly amused at Charles' confusion, but then he stood up and chased after the head nurse.

"Hey Margaret!" he called loudly.

"You are an inferior officer," she hissed as she turned sharply. "You will address me as Major Houlihan." She commanded coldly.

Hawkeye was beyond the point of irritation with this woman. He straightened his back and squared his shoulders.

"Major Houlihan, ma'm, I have some classical records I was willing to loan you, ma'm. Never mind, I will not bother you any more, ma'm." Each sentence he ended firmly, pronouncing _ma'm_ very strongly. He saluted her and stalked off to his tent.

Margaret snuck guiltily back to her tent, she had acted like a jerk and she knew it.

Early the next morning Margaret headed back to her tent from the showers. She rubbed at her hair once more with the towel and threw it on her cot, it slid onto the floor, and she picked it up in irritation. As she placed it back on her cot, she noticed two objects sitting on her blanket. One was a letter from Donald, and the other was a brown package.

She eagerly opened the package and found three records a note attached to the top one. _I decided to let you use these anyway, so long as I can call you Margaret again (yes I know this is blackmail) Careful with them, they have a lot of sentimental value. Love, your favorite scumbag, Hawkeye. _

Margaret chuckled to herself; she knew this was Hawkeye's way of telling her there were no hard feelings. She looked at the titles curiously; _Swan Lake, The Nutcracker, _and _Sleeping Beauty._ Margaret wondered how Hawkeye came across the three famous ballet works of Tchaikovsky. No matter, it served her purpose well. Margaret longed to play the music but she had to hurry; they were leaving in a half hour.

Margaret opened the letter from Donald and scanned the first few lines before sinking onto her cot in tears.

"Rotten bastard," she mumbled after a few moments. Margaret angrily wiped away her remaining tears, her expression turning to stone.

* * *

_Margaret skipped joyously off the stage as the curtains fell, throwing herself at her best friend. _

_"That was amazing, I'm sure it was the best we have ever done!" Margaret squealed. Jessica nodded and they hugged again._

_"You and Michael were amazing! I still don't see how you two can pull off the things you do." _

_Margaret rolled her eyes and playfully punched her friends arm. "You really need to stop your teasing. I am hopelessly in love with David. You do remember David don't you? My fiancé," Margaret sarcastically reminded her. _

_"Yes, well Michael is hopelessly in love with you too." Margaret sighed and shook her head._

_"I know it," she muttered in annoyance. "Come on, let's go get some dinner." Margaret grabbed her friend's hand and they walked to the back of the French playhouse, towards the dressing rooms. _

* * *

What's bothering you Margaret?" Hawkeye asked kindly. Margaret took another drink of scotch and rolled her eyes. 

"Leave me alone Pierce."

"Oh, now you called me Pierce, something really must be wrong." He teased, while getting up and seating himself beside her.

"Well what do you think is wrong?" she shouted. "I'm stuck in this god-forsaken place, in this damn hut, and with you no less! My husband is…" Margaret cut herself off, realizing she was about to go too far.

Hawkeye sighed and looked over at her, a strange look of anger flashing across his face. "What did he do now?"

Margaret looked back at him, studying his face, trying to discern his motives. She shook her head.

"It's nothing." She responded coolly. Hawkeye rolled his eyes and stood up.

"You don't have to be so tough all the time." He said seriously. Margaret poured herself another drink and downed it in one gulp.

She stared into the empty glass and sighed deeply. She got up slowly and walked to her coat, pulling the letter out for him to read.

Hawkeye eagerly grabbed at the letter. At first his expression conveyed confusion, but that quickly turned to anger.

Hawkeye looked up at Margaret as he handed her back the letter. "Bastard," he mumbled. Margaret nodded, trying to avoid his piercing gaze.

An explosion went off just outside the hut and Hawkeye grabbed Margaret around the waist, throwing her onto the ground. Another explosion and Hawkeye pulled himself on top of Margaret, shielding her body from any shrapnel or debris. He could feel her shoulders shaking with sobs.

After a moment, all was quiet and Margaret's fear quickly turned into annoyance and embarrassment.

"You can get off me now Captain," she said coolly. Hawkeye chuckled slightly and Margaret knew instantly that something was wrong.

"What is it?"

"There's…uh… something in my leg." Margaret groaned and dragged herself out from underneath Hawkeye. She instantly saw a rather large piece of wood protruding from his leg. She winced at the sight and looked back at Hawkeye who was trying his hardest to pretend that there was not anything wrong.

"You've got a piece of the ceiling in you leg," she informed him stoically; she looked at his face again and her tone softened. "It has to come out, do you want some morphine?"

She listened carefully for his response, praying he would keep up his stubborn demeanor, anything that would assure her he was alright.

"Nah, I'm fine," Hawkeye responded, he could sense Margaret's fear, although it was the last thing she would admit. Besides, he figured it could not hurt to act brave, maybe he could do such a convincing job he could fool himself.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure, now will you get it over with?" Hawkeye was beginning to feel lightheaded. He grimaced as Margaret cautiously pulled the piece of wood out. She grabbed for his medical bag and quickly cleaned and bandaged the wound.

Hawkeye sighed and carefully sat up. Margaret scooted away from him, staring sullenly out the door. There was another explosion and Margaret ducked her head into her knees, constantly reminding herself not to scream.

"Come here Margaret," Hawkeye called gently. Margaret pulled herself to him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her as the explosions increased. As Margaret screamed angrily against the terrifying noise, she begged Hawkeye to hold her closer.

Hawkeye clung to Margaret as if she were his only lifeline. He was terrified and comforting her was the only way he could keep himself from screaming in terror. He pulled her as close to him as humanly possible and still he wished they were closer.

"I don't like being afraid," she sobbed. "It scares me."

"I know, I know," Hawkeye soothed. "I would be a lot braver if I wasn't so scared." Another explosion and dust poured down around them from the roof.

Hawkeye clutched Margaret to him, shielding her from the debris. She screamed in pure, raw terror.

"We're going to die," she wailed.

Hawkeye pulled her head in towards him as boards fell around them. She pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes.

That deep, sincere, intense blue; she had seen it somewhere before, not just the color, that caring, passionate look. It comforted her in a way. Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned towards him and he kissed her softly.


	4. Chapter 4

_Margaret sat down on the park bench trying to avoid the heavy summer rain. She wrapped David's jacked tighter around her shoulders as she shivered._

_"You still cold?" he asked as he slid his arm around her. Margaret glared at him and rolled her eyes._

_"What do you think? Look at me, I'm soaked!" David chuckled and kissed her cheek._

_"Sorry, I would have ordered better weather conditions but you didn't give me enough notice." He grinned, and the second Margaret looked into his bright blue eyes she knew she wouldn't be able to stay mad at him; it wasn't his fault after all. _

_"You stay here and I'll go get the car." Another bolt of lightening flashed across the sky and Margaret grabbed onto his sleeve._

_"Please don't go," she begged. David sighed and sat back down. _

_"Alright, but we have to go home soon before you catch pneumonia." Margaret nodded, and snuggled into his arms, clenching her teeth as a loud clap of thunder echoed in her ears. _

_David gently kissed the top of her head, and stroked her wet hair soothingly. "I love you Meg," he whispered. "My precious one; your parents named you well."_

_Margaret smiled and forgot momentarily about the frightening noises. _

_"Come on," he said pulling her too her feet. "Take your shoes off."_

_Margaret pulled her hands away. "Are you crazy? As it is, I'll probably be sick in bed for a month!"_

_David stepped out from under the protection of the awning. He threw back his head, letting the rain fall onto his face. He laughed and then grabbed her hand._

_"Come on Meg, you only live once." _

_Margaret laughed at his boyish playfulness and took off her shoes before slipping her hand into his. Together they ran across the wet grass towards the parking lot; the storm completely forgotten. _

* * *

Margaret lowered herself onto her cot as Hawkeye quietly left her tent. Her head was spinning, she was glad she had told him she was thankful to him, but at the same time she was confused with the boundaries of their friendship. She brushed the feeling off and walked over to where Hawkeye's record albums were sitting. She placed one on the player and exchanged her heavy boots for the toe-shoes. Smiling as she laced the black ribbon around her creamy white skin.

In a few moments, she was lost in a world of her own. She spun around her tent happily, as her worries and troubles fled as music filled her mind and heart.

* * *

"Hey Colonel, there's a Korean woman out here and I can't understand what she needs." Colonel Potter sighed and nodded.

"Alright Klinger, go get Rosie, she can help." The corporal nodded and walked out.

As Rosie was trying to talk to the young woman, Margaret walked by and overheard a few words. She stopped and tried to casually listen.

"Sorry Joe, no Korean." Rosie finally stated, after trying to listen to the young woman's words.

"What do you mean she's not Korean? Look at her!"

Rosie rolled her eyes and began to walk back to her bar. "No speak Korean," she mumbled. Margaret hesitantly approached the young woman who was clearly in despair.

"Bojour," she greeted. The girl's eyes lit up and she smiled in relief and began to speak rapidly, while Margaret tried her best to understand.

Margaret nodded, and said a few words before quickly walking toward the office.

"Colonel Potter," she yelled as she crashed inside. "Colonel, there's a young woman outside; she says her baby girl was wounded."

Colonel Potter looked up from his desk in surprise. "A baby?" he asked, "How can a baby get wounded?"

Margaret shrugged, "Shall I get one of the doctors, sir?"

Colonel Potter nodded, "Get Pierce; BJ is still hung-over and Charles is in post-op." Margaret nodded and quickly ran to the swamp.

"Pierce," she yelled. "Pierce get your medical bag and let's go." She yelled. He looked up at her in surprise, hesitating a moment before jumping into action.

"What's wrong?"

"A Korean child is hurt, let's go." The two jogged to the center of the compound, where Charles was waiting next to a jeep, the young woman already inside.

Hawkeye climbed in the driver's seat and Margaret rolled her eyes. "Oh no you don't. The last time you drove I was almost killed."

Hawkeye shrugged and scooted over. As they began to drive down the bumpy dirt road, Hawkeye turned to the woman. "What is wrong with the baby?" The woman looked at him blankly.

"She can't understand you." Margaret explained. She bit her lip, trying her hardest to remember what to say.

"Où est elle blessé?"

The young woman sat up straight and looked at Margaret, rattling off a string of words that caused Hawkeye's head to spin.

Margaret winced and turned to Hawkeye. "She said that her baby was playing on the floor of their hut, a coyote came in and attacked the baby."

Hawkeye nodded, worried about the child, but also very confused. "Were you speaking French?"

Margaret groaned and shrugged, keeping her eyes glued on the winding road. "It's a long story," she mumbled. Hawkeye watched her closely, wondering why she didn't want to talk about it."

* * *

_"Mademoiselle there is a gentle man wanting to see you." Margaret looked up in surprise and nodded. _

_"Alright, have him come back." The usher nodded and quickly left the dressing room. Margaret finished lacing the white, satin ribbon around her legs and stood up, brushing the wrinkles out of her costume._

_"Hey Meg."_

_Margaret's head jerked up and she squealed in shock and happiness. "David!" Margaret threw herself into her fiancés arms. "Oh god David, what are you doing here?"_

_He smiled and pulled himself back. "Aren't you happy to see me?" he teased. Margaret smiled in response and stood up on point to reach his mouth. _

_"I missed you," she whispered. He smiled and walked over to a small wooden bench, pulling Margaret onto his lap._

_"You wrote to me about the other lead dancer and I thought I'd better come claim my property." _

_Margaret frowned and rolled her eyes. "Oh David, I'm a big girl. Yeah, Matthew keeps flirting with me but I love you."_

_David smiled. "I know; this has nothing to do with whether or not I trust you. It just made me boiling mad to realize that he was here and I was thousands of miles away." _

_Margaret chuckled and laid her head on his shoulder. "I wish I didn't have a show in a few minutes." _

_David kissed the top of her head. "Margaret I came here to give you this." He pulled a small blue, velvet box out of his pocket. "I want to marry you as soon as possible." _

_Margaret gasped and grabbed for the box. "You bought me a ring." He nodded, I finally saved enough, I've had my eye on this ring for months but I couldn't afford it." He gently took the box from her hands and opened it, revealing a small silver band, with a simple sapphire in the center._

_"It's beautiful David, but…" she cut herself off and looked away._

_"What is it baby?" he asked, turning her head so he was looking straight into her watering eyes._

_"David I'm scared of what my father will do when he finds out." David sighed and nodded._

_"You know I won't pressure you, but we can't just stay engaged forever." Margaret smiled and looked at him._

_"I love you David. I really have to go now," she said, pulling herself reluctantly off his lap. "Right after the show we can go out for dinner. I'll decide by then." She kissed him longingly and quickly ran out the door towards the stage. _


	5. Chapter 5

Alright folks...here you go. I'm sprry about the long wait for an update but I was out of town. Please R&R!

(Oh and I apologize for any mistakes with the french I might use...I'm using an English-French dictionary. It's all probably waaaay off track)

Major-Baby

* * *

As the jeep pulled to a stop Margaret jumped out and sprinted towards the hut. As she neared the door, she stopped cold in her tracks. In the doorway was a pool of blood. Margaret felt her knees go weak but she pushed herself inside the hut. She froze as she saw the tiny child on the table. Hawkeye pushed past her and immediately began to wrap bandages haphazardly around the baby's mangled limbs. 

Margaret slowly felt the room begin to spin. She turned and ran outside, emptying the contents of her stomach behind a tree. She heard Hawkeye coming back outside and she wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her jacket.

"I'll hold her," she heard herself say. Margaret ran back to the jeep and held her arms out for the baby. Hawkeye looked at her hesitantly but then surrendered the child. Margaret bit her lip to keep herself from crying. She climbed into the jeep, followed by the young mother.

"Keep those bandages pressed tight." Hawkeye instructed her. Margaret nodded and shifted the child. For the first time Margaret actually looked down into the child's face. A sob caught in her throat and she chocked it back, refusing to let herself cry.

* * *

_"David where are you?" Margaret ran into the small apartment, throwing her duffle bag onto the couch. _

_"I'm in here," he called from their tiny kitchen. Margaret walked into the adjoining room and laughed as she saw her husband struggling to cook dinner._

_"You'll burn the house down," she teased as she pushed him away from the smoking skillet. _

_"Well sorry," he said sarcastically. "I thought you would like to come home to a cooked dinner for once." Margaret smiled and rolled her eyes as she placed the skillet into the sink._

_"Yeah I would, but I would also like to come home to a clean apartment." She laughed at David's disappointed look and kissed his cheek._

_"Thanks anyway, it was a sweet thought." David mumbled something and began to walk away. _

_"David, hang on." She called after him. Margaret flushed deeply and turned back to the sink. "I had an appointment with a doctor today and I uh, I mean he uh… he told me that I uh…" she began to stammer out a sentence but she was cut off by her husband's laughter._

_David walked towards his wife and wrapped his arms around her. "Are you trying to tell me I'm going to be a father?" he asked, grinning broadly. Margaret smiled at her husband's exuberance and nodded._

_

* * *

_

"Pierce stop the jeep!" Margaret screamed. Hawkeye looked at her with a frown.

"What's wrong?"

"Pull the jeep over now!" Hawkeye slammed on the brakes and Margaret handed the baby to him.

"She's not breathing anymore." She sobbed. Hawkeye frantically tried to find a pulse on the child.

"There's no pulse," he whispered.

"Qu'est-ce qui est dommage?" The young woman began to tug violently on Margaret's arm, repeating the same words over and over. Margaret's eyes widened and she began to tremble violently, while she slowly shook her head.

The woman let out a heartbreaking sob as she reached for her baby. Hawkeye sadly handed the child to its mother and the woman climbed out of the jeep and began to run back to the village, clutching the mangled child to her chest. Hawkeye looked at Margaret who had turned a deathly shade of white and was shaking violently.

Hawkeye placed a comforting hand on her arm but she jerked away and climbed out of the jeep, walking along the woods towards camp.

* * *

"_Madame Williamson, there is a phone call for you." Margaret nodded and instructed her pupils to keep working. Margaret was now teaching ballet in a girl's boarding school in the heart of Paris. _

_"Hello, this is Margaret Williamson," Margaret said as she held the phone to her ear. _

_"Hey Meg, can you join me for lunch?" Margaret smiled at her husband's voice. _

_"Of course, I'm almost done here what time do you have a break?" _

_They settled the time and just they were about to hang up David asked another question._

_"How is Jacqui doing?" he asked anxiously. _

_"Jacqueline," she corrected him. "And she's doing fine. She hasn't even woken up yet." Margaret smiled and told him she loved him before hanging up the phone. Even though their daughter was four months old, her daddy still worried about her constantly. She was certainly Daddy's little princess._


	6. Chapter 6

"Margaret get back in the jeep," Hawkeye called out to her. "Margaret, if we stay out here too much longer we'll freeze to death." He kept the jeep barely moving in order to stay beside her.

To Hawkeye's surprise Margaret made no bitter comeback as he had been expecting. She simply stared straight ahead, her arms wrapped tightly around her. It began to drizzle slightly and Hawkeye saw her shiver. He stopped the jeep and walked over to her, grabbing her arm gently.

"Margaret come on," he urged, guiding her back on the road. She looked down at the hand he had placed on her arm and jerked back frantically as she saw the blood.

Hawkeye stared at Margaret in shock as she backed away from him, her eyes glued on the drying blood that had been transferred onto her coat. She ripped off the coat in a panic and threw it as far away as possible.

Hawkeye made one last desperate attempt to grab at her but she darted out of his reach and headed into the woods, tears streaming down her face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Margaret opened her eyes slowly, and groaned as shooting pains went through her back. She tried to prop herself up but her legs wouldn't budge. _

_"David?" she called weakly through the rain, "David where are you?" It was pitch black on the country road, not even the moon was out. Margaret groped around in the darkness and discovered why her legs wouldn't move, part of the car, the door probably, was pinning her down. _

_There was a loud clap of thunder and Margaret screamed out her husband's name. She desperately tried to slide her legs out, using what little strength she had to push at the large sheet of metal but her hand contacted something soft; Jacqui's blanket._

_"Oh god," Margaret breathed, "Oh god not my baby too." Margaret pulled slightly on the fabric, scooting it towards her. She moved her legs slightly, causing a jagged piece of metal to bite into her leg, Margaret bit her lip in an effort to ignore the pain as she stretched her arm outward, searching for her baby. _

_"Oh Jacqui," she sobbed as she finally found her child, "Oh my precious baby girl." She pulled the child close, ignoring the blood that was coating the tiny body. Margaret clung to the child as her only life-line. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hawkeye ran after her frantically. She finally stopped and collapsed to the ground, sobbing pathetically.

"Jacqui I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he heard her mutter as she rocked herself back and forth in the mud. Hawkeye approached her cautiously, kneeling down in front of her.

"Margaret," he said softly. She looked up at him, the terror clear in her eyes.

"She's dead," she whispered.

Hawkeye sighed and pulled her to him. "Yeah Margaret the baby died."

"It was my fault," she sobbed. Hawkeye looked at her in confusion.

"No Margaret it wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done."

Margaret shook her head wildly, Hawkeye watching her in concern. "No I was driving, I was too tired…" she cut herself off in a ragged sob. "Oh my god I killed my baby." Hawkeye's mouth dropped open slightly and he hugged her more tightly. He had no idea what she was talking about but he knew it had nothing to do with the Korean child.

They sat that way for several minutes before another bolt of lightening stuck nearby and the rain began pounding down heavily around them.

"Come on Margaret, let's go." He stood up and grabbed her hand but she jerked it back, silently refusing to move. Hawkeye sighed and knelt back down, lacing her arms around his neck before sliding one arm under her legs and the other firmly around her back.

Margaret dropped her head against his chest, finding his heartbeat strangely comforting. He laid her down gently in the back seat of the jeep, covering her with a thick blanket.


	7. Chapter 7

Hawkeye pulled the jeep to a stop in front of Margaret's tent. He climbed out wearily and picked Margaret back up, carrying her inside. Just as he was about to lay her down he noticed her fatigues; dripping with water and mud.

"You need to learn to stop playing in the mud." He muttered to himself. He sat her down in her chair before kneeling down in front of her to remove her mud soaked boots.

"Well what do we have here?" he asked, whistling softly as he stripped her socks off. Hawkeye looked up at her in surprise, trying to understand just how much she kept from everyone.

He shook his head in an attempt to clear the confusing thoughts. Margaret moaned and opened her eyes slowly. She looked around her room until her eyes landed on Hawkeye.

"Hey," he whispered, standing up quickly. "Feeling any better?"

Margaret didn't say anything but she offered a slight nod. Hawkeye smiled uncomfortably.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow." Margaret turned away from him and picked up her brush, tugging at her hair absent-mindedly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_"Daddy," Margaret smiled and reached for her father from the hospital bed. _

_"Are you okay?" he asked gruffly. Margaret looked down at her lap and shrugged._

_"I guess," she whispered, "physically anyway." Alvin disentangled himself from his daughter's arms and frowned. _

_"I still can't believe you married that boy. I told you that a marriage with him would only end up…"_

_"Please don't," Margaret pleaded quietly, her eyes filling with tears. "Don't cut him down, not now. I don't think I can take it." Alvin sighed and picked up her hand._

_"As soon as you can, I'm taking you home." He announced. "I think a fresh start would be best for you." Margaret nodded compliantly. She wasn't sure if he was right but she was far too exhausted, emotionally, to argue._

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"Sit down Pierce," Colonel Potter said solemnly. "How is she?" he asked as Hawkeye helped himself to a bottle of scotch that was sitting on the desk. Hawkeye sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know Colonel. Her fever is only a little over a hundred but she seems a lot worse off."

"Has she said anything?"

Hawkeye shook his head. "You saw her; she just lies there and stares at the damn wall." He wearily raked his fingers through his hair and flopped into a chair. "I think we should call Sydney."

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_"Hey Margaret, we're going out for a drink do you want to come along?" Carrie asked. Margaret shook her head and attempted a smile. _

_"No thanks, I think I better study for the test tomorrow."_

_Carrie rolled her eyes. "Are you crazy? You've been studying non stop! Come on, take a break and come have some fun."_

_"I said no thank you!" Margaret snapped angrily. Carrie jumped backwards and quickly exited the small dorm room. Margaret laid her head down on the small desk and let the tears come._

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_

"Hey Sidney, I'm glad you could make it," Hawkeye greeted as the Major walked into the tent.

"Hello Hawkeye," Sidney acknowledged the Captain, but he was staring at Margaret. It was strange for him to see her like this. She was the last person he would have thought could break down.

"Hello Margaret," he said softly. "I heard you weren't feeling well and I thought I would stop by and say hello."

"Bullshit," she muttered quietly. Sidney raised his eyebrows and looked at Hawkeye who was looking surprised that she had said anything, but still amused.

"What do you mean Major?" Sidney asked innocently.

"Get the hell out of my tent," she said coldly. Sidney nodded and sighed.

"Alright Margaret, I hope you feel better." He made his way outside and Hawkeye followed him.

"Is that it? She tells you to leave and you just give up?" he shouted angrily.

"She doesn't want to talk to me Hawkeye. I can't force her to say anything, I'm sorry. Sidney buttoned his jacket and walked back to his jeep. Hawkeye stood for a moment and watched the jeep pull away.

"You can't make her talk but I sure as hell can," he muttered before marching back to Margaret's tent.

"Get up Margaret," he shouted. Margaret ignored him, focusing her eyes on the canvas wall.

"I said get up," Hawkeye yelled as he stepped towards her cot. Margaret turned her eyes to him, startled by his harsh voice.

Hawkeye grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her up to a sitting position.

"I am sick and tired of you staring at that damn wall! Now if you have a problem talk about it! If not then get up off your ass and deal with this hell hole like the rest of us!"

Margaret met his gaze and found her eyes quickly filling with tears; she blinked furiously in an attempt to keep them back. Hawkeye's expression softened and he released her shoulders and sat down beside her and sighed heavily, wrapping an arm around her.

"Come on Baby, talk to me." He said quietly. "You can trust me; we're practically family. I'm like that brother you never wanted." He heard her chuckle slightly and he smiled and tightened his grip on her.

"That's better; now why don't you tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours."

"I'm alright," she said quietly.

"Oh really? You just stare at walls all day for kicks?" he asked sarcastically. Margaret frowned; she wasn't sure what she should tell him, she knew she had to say _something_.

"A friend of mine died," she said quietly. "He died in a car accident along with his little girl."

Hawkeye smiled in understanding. "Were you two close?" Margaret shrugged nervously.

"I guess; we would go out to dinner together," Margaret smiled and Hawkeye saw a small glimmer of light shine in her eyes. "We loved to go to a large restaurant that was just down the street, Chartier, oh god that restaurant was beautiful!"

Hawkeye looked at her in surprise. "When were you in Paris?" Margaret's eyes widened. How the hell did Hawkeye know where that was?

As Margaret floundered for an answer Hawkeye smiled in remembrance. "My mother would go there quite often with a group of her friends from the theatre; she was born in Paris you know, although she was Italian."

Now it was Margaret's turn to be surprised, "Your mother was an actress?"

Hawkeye shook his head and smiled sadly. "No, she was a dancer." Margaret looked down at her hands and shrugged Hawkeye's arm off her shoulders.

"My head hurts again, I want to lie down." Hawkeye looked at her in concern and felt her forehead.

"I guess you do still have a fever; lie down." He helped her crawl back under the covers and kissed her forehead.

"You have a lot of friends Margaret, don't shut us out again." Margaret faked a smile and nodded. As soon as Hawkeye left the tent she began to cry.

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Long chapter I know...sorry. Anway I hope this made sense. The part where Margaret was in a dorm room, she was working towards becoming a nurse. But I'll have more on that later. So yes, suprise, suprise, Hawkeye's mother also danced. Anyway, I know the chapters have been kinda depressing, I hope they get better soon ( it depends on what kind of mood I'm in, lol) I'll update soon!


	8. Chapter 8

A million thanks to pol, who was a tremendous help with the French in this chapter! She get's full credit for the name of the dance school, the name of the teacher (teacher?)and bits of French I put in, and informing me about the theatre. Thank you!

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"Hey Klinger, I need you to put a call through for me." Klinger glared at Hawkeye and made his way over to the desk.

"To _Ollivier __Ecole__ de Danse_ in Paris."

Klinger looked at the captain in surprise. "France?" he asked incredulously. Hawkeye nodded inattentively.

Klinger shrugged and began to try to patch the call through. "Captain Pierce it's ringing." Klinger informed him almost fifteen minutes later.

Hawkeye hurried over to the receiver. "Allo, bonjour, c'est Madeleine Batiste

a l'appareil."

"Madeleine, this is Ben; Angelina's son."

"Oh Benjamin, how are you my dear, my goodness you haven't spoken to me in so long! Shame on you Benjamin!"

Klinger watched curiously, as Hawkeye smiled broadly. "Yes I know I haven't called in a while Maddy," He interjected. "Sorry about that."

"Listen Madeleine, do you remember those pictures you sent me of me and my parents?"

"Ah oui, the ones where you look like a little tomatoe in that ridiculous outfit?"

Hawkeye laughed loudly and shook his head in amusement. "Yeah those…Anyway, you said you had pictures of every girl who has danced at _L'Opera_; do you still do that?"

Now Klinger was completely absorbed in the conversation, he was trying to casually sort through files, but was dropping them everywhere while he tried to listen.

"Ok well… no, you already gave me the ones of my mother… yes well… no I was wondering if a friend of mine danced there, she won't tell me." Klinger paused, waiting breathlessly, wondering who Hawkeye was talking about.

"Her name is Margaret Houlihan; it probably would have been about ten years ago." Klinger came close to dropping the files in his hand all over again.

"I don't recall anyone by that name Benjamin."

"Oh, are you sure?" Hawkeye paused, frowning in concentration.

"Well, what is she like?"

"Well, she's around five foot, five inches, blonde…" Hawkeye paused and smiled. "Well I don't know what her hair color would have been. Anyway she has blue eyes and…"

"No, no, Benjamin," Madeleine interrupted. "Tell me what she acts like; what does she do to make you smile. Those are the things I will remember."

Klinger watched the Captain curiously, as he smiled and sighed. "Well she get's embarrassed very easily but she covers it up by acting angry. She has a smile that can light up an entire room and her eyes light up and seem to twinkle…"

"I believe I know the woman you speak of," Madeleine interrupted him. "Although I don't believe her name was Margaret Houlihan; wait a moment Benjamin while I go and see."

Hawkeye could hear the woman crossing the room and yanking open a metal filing cabinet. She was only away for a moment.

"Benjamin I cannot find your Margaret Houlihan, but I do have a Margaret Williamson who danced here. She fits your description very closely. She was with us for almost five years, I asked her to stay and teach the little ones."

Hawkeye sighed, "No, sorry Madeleine, but her name is Houlihan…"

"Is that her maiden name?" Hawkeye replied that it was and Madeleine chuckled. "Well I don't know her maiden name; Williamson was her husband's name.

Hawkeye sighed and rubbed a hand across his eyes. "Well I don't think it's her but I guess it could be; would you send the pictures to me?"

"Of course Benjamin, but only if you promise to call this old woman more often."

"I will," he promised, chuckling at the old woman. "Thanks so much Maddy, I'll give your love to Dad… yeah, Bye."

Hawkeye hung up the receiver and looked at Klinger who immediately turned back to his filing cabinet.

"Klinger not a word of this," Hawkeye said sternly.

"A word of what Captain?" Klinger asked pathetically. Hawkeye smiled slightly and patted Klinger's shoulder.

"Good job Corporal, good job."

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_"I'm proud of you Margaret." Alvin told his daughter gruffly. Margaret smiled sadly as her father shook her hand. In the past three years, they had grown apart. It hurt Margaret to realize that she was no longer 'Daddy's little princess'. _

_Margaret turned to her mother who smiled insincerely as she congratulated her daughter on her graduation. _

_Margaret grabbed her sister's hand but Emily jerked away, flashing her sister an angry glare. Alvin took his daughter's hand and led her towards the parking lot._

_That night Margaret waited for her sister in the room they shared once again. "Emily, please don't be mad at me," she begged when her sister walked into the room._

_Emily sighed in annoyance and turned her angry gaze upon her older sister. "What the hell are you doing Meg?" _

_"I asked you not to call me that!" Margaret snapped. Emily turned her back to her sister and began to dig through a drawer. _

_"Margaret please don't do this, you never wanted to be a nurse." Emily begged, anxiety replacing the anger in her face._

_"But everyone says I'll be a wonderful nurse." Margaret argued._

_"You probably will be, you're good at almost everything you do. But that's not what you've worked so hard for all your life." _

_Margaret's eyes welled up with tears. "I can't dance anymore Emmy. There was too much damage to my legs." _

_Emily sighed and walked to her sister, wrapping an arm around her comfortingly. "I know that; but you could still teach." _

_"I don't want to. It hurts too much," Margaret's voice trailed off and she looked directly into her little sister's eyes. "There are too many memories," she whispered. Margaret sniffed loudly and stood up. "Besides, Dad is probably right, a fresh start would be good for me."_

_Emily's face turned to stone at the mention of their father. "The only reason he wanted you to be a nurse is so you would join the army." She shouted. Margaret looked at her sister in shock._

_"What are you talking about? I'm not joining the army; I already have a job at the hospital." _

_Emily rolled her eyes. "That's what you think. Just wait Maggie. You'll see; as soon as he thinks you've waited long enough he'll twist your arm until you agree to join. And because you're always so damn passive with him you'll go along with his stupid plan!" _


	9. Chapter 9

Margaret walked into the mess tent one evening in December, snorting in disgust at the pitiful Christmas tree standing in the middle of the tent.

"How can you call that pathetic thing a tree?" she asked Klinger who was seated at a table beside her. Klinger glared at her.

"Don't complain to me Major," he said, his face turning red with aggravation. "It took me three hours, four bottles of wine that Captain Pierce got from his father and all of his magazines to get that tree."

Margaret was surprised a bit by that. "_All_ his magazines?"

Klinger nodded. "I tried to talk him out of it. I really thought the wine would be nice for Christmas Eve but he wouldn't listen, he insisted on having this measly tree."

Margaret smiled slightly, looking around the tent. "Is he here?"

"Don't ask me," he mumbled, "I've been looking for that tree all day."

Margaret sat down beside BJ and smiled. "What did Colonel Potter ask us in here for?" she asked, indicating all the personnel crowding into the tent.

"Well I'm sure we're about to find out." He said pointing behind her. Colonel Potter walked in the tent and stood up on a table.

"Well folks, I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here," he held up his hands as everyone began talking at once. "Now give me a chance. Christmas is only a week away and I've given Captain Pierce and Major Winchester the job of organizing a Christmas party."

Loud cheers went up around the room. "Now what I need everyone to do is go to one of the buckets beside the doors and draw one slip of paper out. We are going have secret Santa's."

There were more cheers and when everyone settled down Potter began to explain, for the benefit of a few who had blank expressions etched on their faces.

"For those of you who are not familiar with this tradition; everyone draws someone else's name and they give that person a gift anonymously. You are not allowed to trade names, and…" Potter realized everyone was ignoring him as they pushed towards the buckets. Margaret looked at the name she drew and chuckled. She looked up as she saw Klinger laughing to himself. She noticed Hawkeye out of the corner of her eye and began to make her way towards him. He was leaning lazily against a post, not attempting to retrieve a piece of paper.

"Why aren't you in that traffic jam?" she asked him. Hawkeye grinned broadly, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"I was the one who wrote out all those names, I got to pick whoever I want." He flashed a wicked grin before slipping out of the tent quickly.

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_Margaret walked nervously into the large hospital. She couldn't believe she was in Boston. She was a little nervous; she had never been to a city as large as this, certainly not as beautiful and intimidating. _

_"Hello," she greeted the receptionist, who glared back at her coldly. "Uh, I was looking for General Travis' office," she whispered meekly._

_"Down the hall, make a right at the end; take the elevator to the fifth floor and take a right. His room number is 523." The woman rattled off quickly._

_Margaret nodded and fled down the hall, her head spinning in confusion. Margaret stepped off the elevator and looked around in befuddlement. She struggled to remember the woman's instructions as she began walking aimlessly down the quite corridor. After almost ten minutes of wandering Margaret began to panic as she looked around the deserted halls for someone to help her. _

_"Excuse me," she called as a nurse hurried by, ignoring her completely. Margaret slumped against a wall in despair. Her sister was right; she wasn't going to be any good at this sort of thing. _

_"Excuse me are you Sergeant Houlihan?" A man's booming voice reached her ears and she jerked her head up, hurriedly wiping away her tears in embarrassment. _

_"Yes sir," she said strongly, squaring her shoulders. _

_"I'm General Travis; you were supposed to be in my office at 0900 hours. Where were you?" His harsh voice reminded her a little too much of her father's tone of late. _

_"I just got a little turned around sir." She replied firmly. The general smiled cockily at the beautiful young nurse and stepped towards her, wrapping an arm casually over her shoulders. _

_"You know I like a nurse with a little spirit," he announced, Margaret cringing at the suggestive tone in his voice. "Have you always wanted to be a nurse Sergeant?" he asked, not really caring for the answer._

_"Yes sir," Margaret lied blatantly. "My father is a Colonel, and my mother was an army nurse. I didn't really have a choice in the matter," Margaret added bitterly at the end, a hint of truth shinning through._

_"Well the being a nurse in the United States Army is a noble job," he winked at her and smiled. "And if you play your cards right it can be a very _rewarding _job." He raised his eyebrows and Margaret began to feel very warm. An image of her father came to mind. Maybe, just maybe if she could get a promotion, and soon, she would be able to make him forget about her mistake with David. A mistake; that's what her father had been calling it and Margaret had often found herself referring to it that way as well._

_Margaret looked up at the general and smiled seductively. "I'm a good card player." _

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Margaret walked into her tent and sat down on her seat in aggravation. She looked down at her slip of paper again and groaned. There was no denying it, the slip clearly read Captain B.F. Pierce. At first Margaret thought it would be rather fun to find a gift for him, but the more she thought about it the more nervous she became.

"Oh forget it," she muttered angrily, throwing the slip of paper into the tiny stove. She would think about it tomorrow, right now all she wanted to do was sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Margaret ran into the mess tent closing the door tightly against the freezing wind and sleet. She found a seat as far from the door as possible and sat down as Colonel Potter signaled for everyone's attention.

"Alright folks, let's get settled down and get on with the gifts!" A volley of cheers went up and Margaret looked around the tent. The party had been going on for almost three hours but Margaret had been sulking in her tent. Every holiday just reminded her that she was alone. The bitter cold winds had finally convinced her to come to the only place within miles where it was warm.

"Alright, the first up…" Potter paused as he squinted in the dim light, trying to make out the name. "Nurse Kellye." Kellye giggled shyly and made her way to the center of the tent. Colonel Potter began to call out other's names while Margaret silently watched Kellye. She eagerly pulled off the wrapping paper and discovered a heart shaped box of chocolate, wrapped inside a cheery Hawaiian shirt.

Margaret smiled as Kellye looked around the room frantically, wondering who gave her the gift. Margaret's eyes wandered toward Charles who was looking disdainfully at a large wheel of cheese. By the size and smell there was no mistaking who could have given it.

"Margaret Houlihan," Margaret jumped at her name and decided to stay put.

"Margaret, he just called your name," BJ nudged her arm slightly. Margaret rolled her eyes and reluctantly began to make her way towards the pitiful tree. Colonel Potter handed her a package, the right shape and size of a book. Margaret smiled cynically, no surprise there. She ripped off the red paper carefully and smiled as she saw a book of famous love poems.

She looked at Charles, knowing he was the only one in the camp who shared her interest in poetry. She began to make her way towards him while flipping aimlessly through the pages. Three pictured fluttered to the floor and Margaret stooped down to pick them up. She glanced at the first one and her mouth went dry. She jerked herself up and scanned the room quickly. Tears began to prick the back of her eyelids and Margaret hurried from the tent clutching the book and pictures tightly under her coat.

When she finally reached her tent she flicked on the light and sat down as close to her heater as she could get without burning herself. She hurriedly pulled the pictures from the book and stared at them in shock.

Memories came flooding back into her mind. She could see herself so clearly as she posed for the picture, David's arms wrapped tightly around her. The second picture was her in full costume, bowing along with Matthew, her dance partner. And the third… Margaret could barely even stand to look at the picture. She was at the dance school. David was standing behind her, staring happily at the pink bundle in her arms. Margaret traced the pink blanket with her finger; it was almost as if she could still feel the soft cotton and her baby's smooth skin.

Margaret couldn't take it anymore and she dissolved into tears, the salty teardrops leaving marks on the old photographs.

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_Margaret stepped out of the jeep and looked around the barren compound nervously. She felt as if she were about to cry. How did she end up here? It all seemed like such a blur to her now. A young boy, probably no older than eighteen approached her nervously.' He reminded Margaret of a skittish puppy. _

"_Are you Major Houlihan?" she nodded silently and the boy picked up her luggage. I'll take these to your tent; Colonel Blake's office is right through there."_

"_I'll show her the way," Margaret turned in surprise as a tall, dark haired man slipped his arm around her shoulders. He smiled at her and Margaret frowned, she didn't like the feelings that this man was causing to pulse through her body. She shrugged his arm off and glared at him. _

"_I'll find my own way…" she glanced at his captain's bars, which only increased her anger. How dare he treat her like an equal? "I'll find my own way _Captain_." She stated firmly, emphasizing his rank. He shrugged and smiled cockily._

"_Fine, have it your way. But if you change your mind, I'll be in the mess tent getting some coffee."_

"_I wont." She assured him, before walking inside the building. Once inside, she leaned wearily against the wall, fighting back tears. "Damn this place," she muttered quietly. "Damn him!" _

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Hawkeye watched eagerly as Margaret opened her gift. He saw her look at the book and quickly head towards Charles who was staring disdainfully at his wheel of cheese. Klinger jostled Hawkeye's arm and he looked away for only a moment. When he turned back he couldn't see her. He scanned the room quickly and caught sight of her back, quickly disappearing outside.

Hawkeye pulled his jacket closer to his body as he braced himself against the cold wind. He sprinted to Margaret's tent and quickly knocked on the door. The light was on but she made no response. He hesitantly opened the door and saw her sitting in the middle of her tent sobbing, her arms wrapped tightly about her legs.

He sighed and sat down beside her, placing a hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

Margaret hadn't even heard him come in; when his hand softly touched her back she gasped and jerked away.

"What happened Margaret?" he asked softly, placing his hand on her back again. She didn't jerk away; instead she hesitantly leaned towards him. "What happened to your little girl?"

"You gave me the pictures?" she asked shakily, avoiding his question.

Hawkeye refused to budge. "What happened Margaret?" he repeated, staring intently into her eyes. Margaret choked down another sob and blinked away her tears.

"A car accident…" Trying to keep herself from crying was useless. It had been years since she had even allowed herself to think of her husband and child, much less speak of them.

Hawkeye pulled her even closer to him as she sobbed pitifully. He rubbed her back slowly, and rocked her gently, while whispering soothing words into her ear. When she calmed down a bit he looked back into his eyes.

"Is that when your husband died?" he asked gently. Margaret nodded and Hawkeye sighed. "What was his name?"

Margaret stayed silent for a moment and then closed her eyes. "David," she whispered. "His name was David."

Margaret laid her head against his chest and Hawkeye pried his eyes away, wondering why his heart was beating so strongly.

"I'm sorry," he muttered quietly. "I didn't think the pictures would upset you like this. I thought…"

Margaret shook her head, cutting him off. "No, I love the pictures, really." She wiped away her tears and looked up at him. "I don't have anything else to remember them by. As soon as I got out of the hospital I went straight home, I didn't even have time to get my clothes."

Hawkeye frowned, fighting against himself, wanting to spout off a bitter remark about her father.

"I know what's it is like not to have anything to remember a loved one by." He said instead. Margaret's silence bid him to continue. "Those albums I loaned you are the only things of my mother's I still have. Right after she died my dad started drinking a lot and one day I cam home from school and he had passed out in the living room, everything that was hers he had burned in the fireplace, bit by bit." Hawkeye shivered slightly in remembrance.

"He even burned her slippers." He muttered, more to himself than to Margaret.

"Slippers?" Margaret though it was strange Hawkeye would care about something like that.

"Her ballet slippers; her favorite pair of toe shoes. Right after she died, when I really missed her I would take those shoes into bed with me and play with the black ribbons and picture her as she tied the around her ankles."

Margaret smiled, able to picture the scene he was describing clearly.

"It'll be okay Hawk," she said, comforting herself rather than him. "It'll be okay." She snuggled into his chest and Hawkeye tilted her head upward. He hesitated, every single part of his body screaming at him to stop as he leaned his head down and kissed her softly on the lips.


	11. Chapter 11

Hawkeye broke off the kiss and jumped to his feet, his expression was one of complete shock at what he had just done.

"I'm sorry…I uh…" he didn't finish his sentence; he only fled from her tent as fast as he could.

"Damn, what the hell was I thinking?" he muttered angrily. He couldn't believe he did that. She was crying over the death of her husband and child and he kissed her. Hawkeye could have kicked himself a thousand timed over.

Margaret stared at the door as Hawkeye rushed out, also completely shocked. He kissed her, she couldn't believe it. But unlike Hawkeye, she smiled slightly and climbed onto her cot. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep dreamless sleep, the pictures on the floor completely forgotten.

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Hawkeye shivered as he walked into the mess tent early the next morning.

"Oatmeal Captain?" Igor asked. Hawkeye only frowned as he threw his tray down in disgust. After grabbing a cup of coffee he sat down by himself in the corner of the tent. He stared wearily into his cup and felt his eyelids growing heavily when a small package was placed in front of him.

He turned around and saw Margaret standing behind him, her hands clasped behind her back in a professional manner.

"I know it's supposed to be anonymous but you'd probably know who it was from anyway." She said quietly.

Hawkeye smiled slightly, feeling uncharacteristically embarrassed as a result for his actions the night before. He picked up the lumpy package and stripped off the white tissue paper.

He sighed deeply as hundreds of memories flooded into his mind. He laced the ribbons around his fingers and rubbed the sides of the shoes gently with his thumbs. "It's been a long time," he muttered.

"I know it's not the same, but it was the best I could do." Margaret's voice was still detached and cool.

Hawkeye stayed put, for once in his life he was unsure with what to do. He wanted to thank her but he wasn't sure if he could trust himself at the moment. He stood up and smiled.

"Well I'm not sure if they'll fit but thanks anyway Hot Lips." He grinned and began to walk off when he realized that he left his coffee on the table. He turned just in time to see Margaret turn her head, a small tear sliding down her cheek.

A rather large pang of guilt stabbed him and he called her name as she quickly headed outside. "Margaret hang on," he pleaded. She stopped and turned back, the tears gone and replaced by anger.

"Give me those," she hissed as she grabbed for the shoes. Hawkeye held them up, out of her reach.

"They're my shoes and I want them," he said quietly. Margaret looked up at him, wondering how he could jump back and forth from jokes to sincerity so quickly. "It was a very sweet gift, thank you."

"Don't look too deeply in to it," she warned. "It was just something that was lying around and I thought you might like to have them." She held her breath, wondering if he would buy that pitiful lie.

"Margaret Houlihan you are an awful liar."

"Why did you kiss me?" Margaret dared to look into his eyes.

Hawkeye sighed and returned her gaze. He wasn't sure how to answer her question, he wasn't even sure if he knew the answer.

"It hurt to see you crying, even though I hadn't caused it. I really care about you Margaret and…" he stopped and chuckled. "Now I'm starting to sound like a cheesy movie I saw once."

Margaret smiled, "I'm a real sucker for cheesy movies, so feel free to continue."

Hawkeye laughed as he tried to decide what to say. "Well, so long as you don't mind a cheesy line or two…" Margaret nodded so he continued. "I found out that you're an amazing woman. Then I found out that you can be a very cute little girl."

Hawkeye laughed at her expression. If you really want to know why I kissed you, I'll tell you. I love you. Even when you're screaming at me I still love you."

Margaret looked down at the ground and took a step backwards. "Hawkeye I think you're confusing friendship with…"

"No I'm not." He grabbed her arm and held on tightly. "I'm not asking you to love me, or even befriend me. All I'm asking is for you to tolerate me enough to let me stick around." Hawkeye took a deep breath and began to address an issue that had been bothering him.

"Now I know that you still miss your husband and…"

"That was a long time ago," she whispered. Margaret paused and then looked back up at him, a sly smile on her face. "I refuse to tolerate you Captain," she told him coolly. "But I may be persuaded to love you."

Hawkeye smiled and took a step, closing the distance between them. "Well let me persuade you." He wrapped his arms around her and dipped her in a long, deep kiss; while a small group gathered at the door to the mess tent, watching in amusement.

"Are you persuaded?" he asked. Margaret nodded and jumped up, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Completely."

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_Margaret leaned up against the wall wearily, trying to steady her breath. She hated this goddamn place._

"_Margaret, why don't we go somewhere private?" Frank whined in her ear. Margaret swatted him away as his he was a bothersome fly. _

"_Not now Frank," she hissed angrily. The day before she had been so close to getting out of this unruly unit. Now here she was, trying to keep her eyes open after another grueling OR session. And what for? Because those two morons got her drunk and managed to keep her here. _

_Margaret turned her head, and looked towards their chief surgeon. Well maybe she could tolerate staying after all. Not that she would ever let him be more than a friend but…Margaret grinned happily to herself, losing herself in a fantasy of a time after the war with a husband and maybe even a family. _

"_Yes," she whispered quietly to herself. "He certainly could be a good friend."_

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"Hawk have you lost your mind?" BJ asked that night in the officer's club. Hawkeye finished his martini and smiled broadly.

"Yup," was all he said in response.

BJ banged his fist against the table in frustration. "I honestly think you have," he mumbled. BJ leaned across the table, trying one last time to convince his friend what a mistake he was making.

"Margaret Houlihan? Damn Hawk, do you realize what a roller coaster she is going to send you on every single day for the rest of your life?"

Hawkeye grinned and nodded. "She probably will," Hawkeye turned around, his gaze falling on the object of their discussion who was laughing drunkenly along with some of her nurses.

"Actually, she definitely will," he corrected himself, turning back towards BJ. "But it sure will be fun."

-The End-

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Well there you have it! Please let me know what you thought of my story! I loved working on this one, and I've been at it for quite some time. Thanks to all my faithful reviewrs! I always looked forward to hearing from you!

-Major-Baby


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